Rattled

I am my own person. I make my own decisions. The keyword is "I". Me, myself and I. I am independent and i will continue to be. It is my decision on who i want to date. Where i want to live. What i want to major in. Where i want to go. If people are going to try to tell me how to live my life, it is only going to backfire in their faces. I understand that everyone has a right to their own opinion but enough is enough. There is such thing as "crossing the line". If you are scared that i'm going to make the same mistakes you made or you don't want to see me leave and be far away from you then honestly just shut the hell up. Your words and your opinions that you constantly shove down my throat, are only gonna make me want to move farther and farther away. By you basically saying that i'm "being stupid" or that my dreams are too unrealistic, is only going to make me work harder at them. I want to prove you wrong. I will prove you wrong. I control my life. You helped me when i needed help and when i wasn't capable to do things on my own but enough is enough. I can't call you up when im 21 and ask you to drive me to the mall because the roads are icy. So let me learn now. When i meet "the guy" and he asks me to marry him and i say yes i'm not going to run home and ask you if it's okay. In order for me to become the woman you always say you want me to be i need to learn things by myself. I need to make mistakes. Sometimes i need to make huge mistakes and messy ones just so i know what doesn't work and what does. And you just need to let me. You need to just be on standby with a box of tissues or cartons of icecream. You need to start believing in me so that i don't feel completely on my own here. I do believe in myself and i always will. That will never change. But if you want to be apart of my life in a couple years then seriously start listening to me. Actually listening. Take in everything im saying and put yourself in my shoes. Sure, you might be right that you know better than me because you were 17 once but you got to live it and learn it so now i need to. 

J

You say you want me to be happy rather than sitting around wasting time waiting for you to get off of work. You say you feel awful that you have no time for me. So your solution is to "set me free". In a way it's cute. It's cute because you aren't being selfish and you are thinking about my feelings and you think you are doing what is best for me. But you're wrong. Us no longer being an us will not make me happy. It will make me the complete opposite. Miserable. I'd rather get all ready everyday hoping to see you and then getting bummed out if i don't. You make me happy. It hasn't even been two weeks but i'm already addicted. I want you. I want you in every way. Right now is a hard time for you? Well guess what, i'm here for you and that isn't going to change. You may not want me involved because you don't want to put your problems on me but it's too late because the minute i held your hand while walking in the snow it was a done deal. I fell for you. Maybe i fell way too hard way too fast but oh well. Sometimes the best love stories happen that way. I can't help the way i feel. I want to be here for you and with you and i want to work this out. School is hard and you need to focus? Then just call me ms. Tutor. I get it. Sometimes life gets way too hard to handle and sometimes it feels like you're suffocating. But i will do whatever i can to help you or do whatever to make this work. I like you and i'm tired of saying "goodbye" so i'm not letting another good thing walk away again. Something about you and me feels right and something about you makes me happy. So i'm in. 

Maria

Today is your birthday. You're 17 and it's killing me to not be able to send you a huge happy birthday txt and stop by your house with your gift. Everyday i miss you. Everyday i wish i could tell you something. Everyday i think about all the times we had and everyday i wonder how it all ended up like this. But you're happy. Or at least you seem like it. It was all my fault anyways.. So i can't really be mad at anyone but myself. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday somewhere. You're truly so strong and independent and beautiful and you were such an amazing friend. I love you braj, happy birthday<3