D.D.

I seriously miss you. I miss you. And only you. Yes, i miss your txts, i miss the way you say my name or how you have that cute nickname for me. I miss the way we used to just lay on my bed and cuddle. Or just sitting in your car saying nothing. I miss your touch. Even though your hands were rough and dry they still felt so amazing and percect on my skin. I miss your dark brown pieces of hair that were left on my pillow when you would leave. I miss your sarcasm. I miss the way you made me feel like i was somewhat special. I miss how crazy our "relationship" was. Nothing great ever comes easy. We had just as many downs as we had ups. Kissing you was like being able to taste all my dreams and feel them all coming true. The rush was just..simply amazing... It felt so unreal and there are truly no words to describe it. I've never been so open and honest with my feelings. With you i let every guard down, i acted absolutley reckless with my heart. Do i regret that? Sometimes. But only on nights like these. Nights where all i can think about is you. Nights when you're the one i want to run to. But deep down i know i lost you last winter break. Christmas day to be exact. The guy i fell in love with is long gone. Maybe i shoul've spoken up sooner. I was just too late. And sometimes in life that becomes the case. It just feels like a sharp knife in my stomach everytime im in my room and i look at my lacrosse stick because i think of the night you said it was "sick". I wanted you. I truly with all my heart wanted you. I wanted the sweet side of you that you would only let me catch a glimse of every once in a while, i wanted the asshole side of you. I wanted the not so innocent side of you. I wanted the funny side of you, all the silly things you would say that only made me laugh so hard and fall ten times harder for you. I wanted the competetive side of you. I wanted the ambitious side of you, you knew exactly what you wanted and that always made you seem even sexier in my eyes. I wanted every side of you and i still do. We've gone through so much together and i really hate that it all might be officially over. In August you showed me that the guy i once fell so hard in love with still might be around somewhere deep down inside of you and i don't want to let him go just yet. I would do anything to be your everything. And i just miss you. And i love you and i hate admitting that. Sound familiar? You've made me say that before and here i am months later saying it again. I wish i could actually tell you all of these things but i just cant. In order for this ever to work i need you to have the same realization i had months ago and the one i still have almost every single day. There isn't a day that goes by where i don't replay all of our memories together over and over in my head. I love you. I loved you once, always have, always will.